TO MY SCREW-UPS AND HIDING, THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU
To the previous screw-ups, thank you, I love you, I needed you, Amen.
To the ways of playing small, and hiding from yourself, from money, from flow, from love, from divine physical fitness inside and out, from YOU, thank you, I love you, I needed you, Amen.
To the ways you avoided your power –
The ways in which you were not all of you –
The ways in which you allowed yourself to be led by fear, by pain, by hurt, by ‘what if’ –
The way, over and over again, in which you ASSUMED a contractive stance –
I LOVE you.
I NEEDED you.
To the way you kept a barrier around you, thank you. I love you. I needed you. Amen.
The way you failed to speak or own your truth, thank you.
The way you were NOT unapologetically you, thank you.
The way you did not back yourself, did not go all in, did not show the world HERE I AM HEAR ME ROAR, thank you.
To EVERY single so-called screw-up, procrastination, should of, could have, WOULD have, to EVERY thing I beat myself up for and make myself not enough for, and to every comment or suggestion made by another that I should have been something different when I was always on path and everything was always EXACTLY perfect –
I LOVE you.
I NEEDED you.
And today, join me –
In saying THANK you for every single choice,
every single step,
every single thought you have had or made or been up til this point which you’ve told yourself was wrong or bad or lazy or not-aligned or not ENOUGH.
And from that place of gratitude, of love, of YES, this was right, even if I could not see how and perhaps never may –
Are you ready to see how every little step you’ve made –
Every choice –
Every decision –
Every damn THOUGHT –
Was exactly what you needed, to bring you here?
That whilst perhaps in theory it’s true you should have known better, or more, sooner, what is MORE true, and indeed all that is relevant, is that you always made the right decision for growth, for your experience, for your soul, and so it was ALL ABSOLUTELY PERFECT?
You say to yourself:
“Why didn’t I step up sooner, why didn’t I know more, why wasn’t I in my power, why was I not in my power, why why WHY?!”
But my darling, your soul chose WISELY.
You KNEW. Even before you knew. That it wasn’t time yet, it wasn’t right yet, it wasn’t the moment yet –
To open those doors.
To show up in that way.
To become the version of you who you are NOW becoming.
You needed the learning, you choose the hiding, you REQUIRED the experience of not being all of you in order to become this you, who knows so deeply, feels so fully, has LIVED the contrast, and is perfectly prepared for THIS.
Every moment up ’til now has prepared you for this moment.
And this moment is preparing you right now for all that is to come.
Nothing else could ever have been nor SHOULD it ever have been anything other than what it was,
or could be.
We NEEDED that.
I LOVE you.
This means –
You are always on path.
You WERE always on path.
You can only BE on path, and often times the more you think you may be off path, or others assume you are, shake their heads woefully at your choices, attempt to school you to think like THEM –
The more on path you indeed are.
Because the can only be created, my darling, by you. And how you are creating it, messy and manic as it may well be –
One day you will look back –
And you will see that every time you THOUGHT you were opting out was a time you were learning critical lessons.
Every time you FAILED to do the work was a time you GOT to experience the purposeful pain of not being all that was available to you, and thus you were given the gift of having it shown to you just what it feels like, to not be all of you.
Every time you HID yourself or made choices that seemed against your nature, was a time in which you were readying yourself.
Like the King or Queen you are.
For the day when it would be time to come forth to the world. To reign. To rule. To REVEAL –
It was all. Always. DIVINELY. Perfect.
And then there is this –
They will tell you, “oh, that’s not how to do it right. For money. For success. For growth. For love. For you”.
“You should do more, or this way.”
“You must be more disciplined, work harder, get it done, don’t avoid!’
‘You must give ALL of you or how do you expect to receive in return?!”
Because here is what the DEEPER truth is oft revealed to be:
When you did less, and avoided the right way, your soul knew that it was not for you, not like that, or not in that moment, that there was something else to learn or know instead.
When you held parts of yourself back, your soul knew that there were things you couldn’t see or understand tangibly, which you’d one day know clearly, that made it exactly as it SHOULD be that you held back.
And when you were not disciplined. You procrastinated. You avoided.
It simply wasn’t the true work for you.
Your soul always knows my darling.
And what if –
The work you never did was never your true work to do.
The transformation you avoided never mattered a jot.
The relationship you hid in was sent to strengthen and heal or show you, with opening and softening of you only due later.
And what if –
You always made the right decision.
Everything was always working out for you divinely, for the greater good of yourself and of others.
And it was literally impossible for that not to be the case.
And what if –
With all that being true, you then knew –
There is no guilt.
There can be no shame.
There can be no blame.
There is nothing I should have done differently.
And thus I am free, completely and wholly free, unencumbered in this moment by the so-called sins of my past, and ABLE to be fully me –
Fully present to the now –
Fully in love and acceptance of all that is and ever WAS –
And ever can be.
Do you think that this would be a more powerful way to view the world?
A more useful method of approaching your day?
A more purposeful way to build your LIFE?
The truth is you were always learning exactly what you needed to learn.
When you were running and hiding, there was cause.
When you were avoiding, there were things you needed to be shown through that and a lot of the time it was also just because your higher self knew that THAT shit wasn’t for you.
Stop with the blame game, the shame game, the I should have been a different me by now game.
Be with what is.
And be assured, that exactly what you have chosen?
Was exactly yours to choose.
Don’t forget –
Life is Now. Press Play.