FAITH DOES NOT KEEP ITS OPTIONS OPEN
I don’t believe in keeping your options open in dating, in business, in life, and today we gonna talk about why, and about how right now you might just be pushing away EVERY thing you want and are meant to have because you refuse to allow space for nothing but that.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about faith, and staying the course, and holding out for but also INSISTING on the actual thing you want, knowing it is done and being unavailable for anything else.
It’s very popular right now (perhaps always? I don’t know) in the relationship coaching space to recommend that, when dating, one – women, especially – should keep their options open.
Date multiple men at once, or at the very least pretend to be doing so.
1) You will not accidentally put all your energy onto him, thus showing some sort of obsessive or needy vibe and pushing him away
2) You shouldn’t give a man commitment or exclusivity if he has not ‘earned’ it
3) You don’t know for sure yet if he is your guy so you should keep playing the field ’cause who knows, and besides, even if he is the guy, refer to point #1 re: don’t show him you’re too into him or you’ll lose him
Wanna know what I think, and what I have ALWAYS thought at my core about this, even though I questioned myself and wondered if the ‘experts’ were right, and so I kept playing the game of THINKING I need to play a game?
What I think is simple:
I am here today to draw a line in the sand and say I am NOT here for any of this bullshit.
Every single argument telling you to do life this way is coming from FEAR, and the idea that you just being you might screw it up.
Let’s play this out –
1) So you put all your energy and focus onto a guy, you show you are fully interested in him and are giving 100% of your attention to him, and it scares him off.
Uhhhhhh … anyone? Anyone? Bueller? MAYBE THIS MEANS IT WAS NOT YOUR GUY!
Experts: sure sure, but even if it is your guy being needy and desperate will push him away!
>> okay so don’t be needy and desperate. Deal with THAT part of yourself, don’t feed it by ‘strategising’ to see more people in order to falsely try and mask it! Newsflash: you can be fully interested in a person and also 100% okay with how it plays out one way or the other, knowing that everything is always working out for you precisely as it should be.
If this feels too hard my suggestion (and what I have learned myself) would be to work on trust, on self-belief, on being clear that you always get what you want and it is always ALIGNED.
Which means that if you give full focus to something and it doesn’t work out, cool cool. On with the show.
2) Commitment and exclusivity come when they come, IF it is aligned for both people. But no, you don’t need to hold your OWN commitment out of reach like it’s some sort of prize. I was talking to my Muay Thai trainer Iggy about this today (who is also definitely an amazing life mentor for me), and he said it best:
“That’s like saying I’ll only be kind to you if you be kind to me.”
Be who you ARE. Be a committed person, and let everybody else be who they are. If you give your commitment and don’t receive it in return so what?”
I’ll add to this and say that in general in life when you GIVE from a place of ‘I gotta GET before I give or at least directly after’ you 100% DO NOT SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS.
That’s not what giving, and also BEING (you), is meant to be about.
3) Re: not knowing yet if he is the guy and besides which, if he is, you should keep your attention withdrawn so you keep him interested.
BLEEEUGHHHHHHHHH. Doesn’t it just feel GROSS in your SOUL to think about doing this?
Does it really feel true that you want to look back on an amazing new fuck yes relationship and know that the foundation was you not TRUSTING, either in the possibility of what could be developing, or in your own ENOUGH-ness if you just be you, and that that wouldn’t be a bad thing or a thing which scares him off?
I fully believe and have said for years that you CAN’T SCREW IT UP WITH YOUR SOULMATE PEOPLE.
Not in love.
Not in business.
Not in life.
But here’s where you CAN screw it up:
When you don’t trust
When you operate from a fear mindset
When you are careful not to show all that you are or all that you really think
When you pretend to be something that is not your true soul self, because you’re worried that your true soul self will screw it up!
And most of all:
WHEN YOU KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN RATHER THAN COMMITTING TO THE THING WHICH YOU FEEL DESERVES YOUR ENERGY AND SPACE AND TIME!
If I had have ‘kept my options’ open in my BUSINESS there is no way I would EVER have created the from flow multi-million dollar / per year business success I have.
In fact, before I CLOSED off all options rather than the one I believed was ‘meant’, I enjoyed only very limited and never truly ‘deep’ success.
Little bits and pieces here and there –
Nothing that ever really stuck –
And NONE of it the actual thing, which is no small wonder, because I wasn’t giving my all TO the actual thing, honouring and respecting the actual thing!
I was flailing around all over the place, going from here, to there, to the next thing, trying to grasp on to ANYTHING that I could make stick, the whole time, the WHOLE time knowing:
This is not going to be the thing.
The thing it’s going to be is the ONLY thing it’s ever been, that thing inside of me which I know for sure and feel and am currently not CHOOSING to be good enough for, and not choosing to INSIST upon.
When I eliminated all other options, said ‘fuck that shit’, and gave my all to what I believed it should be, within a timeframe so fast it made my head just about spin, my business blew UP.
Firstly, what is he, a precious fucking baby deer?
Secondly, THAT WOULD ONLY BE TRUE IF YOU WERE IN A GRASPY CONTRACTIVE ENERGY.
And no, the way to move past that is not to try and manufacture a situation where you feel that the practicalities of how you’re showing up reflect not being needy or graspy.
The way to not be needy or graspy is to not be.
And how do you do that?
You connect into that place within where you realise you need nothing, you are complete and whole already, just you and God, and that from that place you of course get to CHOOSE what you desire to call in and add in.
In practice, in my business, how this played out is critical for you to understand:
I didn’t only eliminate all other options. I did that COMBINED with fully releasing / handing over the outcome, meaning I let go of needing to ‘get’ anything.
And, I believed I could and would.
I committed that I would do MY bit, no matter whether or not life gave me anything back in return.
I see very clearly now that with love, and being in the relationship of my dreams, it can ONLY be this way.
The idea of looking back on a relationship and saying I got there ’cause I kept my damn OPTIONS open and was careful not to show too much of my interest is GROSS.
If he would do that I would be out in a heartbeat, too.
That’s not how a King shows up, or a Queen. In my opinion.
And also I do not believe that that is where fuck yes love and all the things in this area will come from.
I know I get to have what I dream of, because I ALWAYS DO. So I will show up fully committed to that and SINGLE-MINDED about it as well, giving 100% of my energy and attention and focus to the guy, and being 100% all of me, but also at the same time knowing I am completely fine if it doesn’t turn into ‘the thing’ … because that will just mean that that wasn’t the thing!
But it won’t be an issue of me worrying about scaring someone off by withholding myself, or by showing in a forthright fashion who I am and what I want.
The answer to all of this stuff is simple –
When you look at the choices you’re making in business, in romance, in life –
Are you following faith, or fear?
It knows it is available.
It refuses to BE available for anything else.
It eliminates all other options, and makes space for the thing to come to life.
Quit fucking up your life by listening to the fear-mongering of the 99.99%.
Your soul knows better.
Don’t forget –
Life is Now. Press Play.