Categories: Purpose

THE PATH BACK TO SOUL CERTAINTY, AND YOU

When business was hard, tangled up with endless things I thought I had to do and a constant feeling of not being ‘there’ and not GONNA be there no matter how much I did, a lot of what I was doing was stepping outside of what I wished I could just do, in order to do shit I didn’t wanna do at all (or it just drained me) because I thought that if I DIDN’T I was gonna somehow miss out, flat line, or be revealed as the rock bottom disaster I was scared I might be.

I used to almost continually seem to have my eyes peeled looking for things I needed to know. Even if I wasn’t looking, they seemed to just orbit into my space. A continual inner buzzing of everything I better get on top of, right now, or else!

And I was SUCH an easy sell.

On ideas of HOW to sell. On what a proper brand should look like. On what a REAL entrepreneur would do. On what a real course had to have. On how to market. On how to breathe!

I spent WAY more time deviated AWAY from soul certainty than locked and loaded on it, and the truth was … I just didn’t know that trusting myself, BACKING myself, was a choice.

I thought it was true that other people knew more than me about what was RIGHT for me.

I was confusing experience, and even results, with – KNOWS WHAT IS TRUE IN MY SOUL. And I also hadn’t learned yet to just ABSOLUTELY trust what I felt, and what I longed for, no matter what.

Maybe I had to go through what felt like an endless series of flops and failures, falling on my face even after trying valiantly to do everything the way I was told, or alternatively blowing it all up because I couldn’t bare to follow through on something I just didn’t actually WANNA,

or maybe it was just that it took as long as it took for me to finally connect to the bit where I just DECIDED THAT FROM HERE ON OUT, I MOTHERFUCKING TRUST IN WHAT’S IN ME. Even if it makes no sense. And maybe especially so!

This was partly because I had by then gathered some evidence which allowed me to tentatively see the logic in the fact that when I DID just do it my way … shit worked … and eventually it didn’t seem fair or true to say that that was just a fluke anymore …

and it was partly because I was just TIRED.

I just didn’t CARE anymore.

I felt DONE.

And I decided that it made no ACTUAL sense, not when I looked inside of me, to keep on trying to get to my dream life and ‘perfect day’ by repeatedly living days which were categorically not what I wanted, or wished for!

So, I decided to opt out.

And I decided that from here on out – I did it the way it made sense I would one day tell the story. It was hardly gonna make sense that the story was – she repeatedly went against soul, did shit that drained the living daylights right out of her, and that is why she is living the purpose-led life she came here for!!

No.

I knew, deep down in places I hadn’t til that point known I could just DECIDE to back, that I was here to make millions. Impact millions. Change the world. And that it was going.to.be.my.WAY! Just me. My dreaming. My making up worlds inside my head. And my letting whatever TF came out, do so.

SO THERE!

When you look back from how YOU did it, lemme ask you –

how was it that it ultimately happened for you?

Did you repeatedly step outside of yourself in order to do stuff that was not your natural flow? Is that the story, was that how it went?

Or did you create new habits, projects, creative ventures, businesses, WORLDS, because you stayed the path of looking within and simply – pulling out and acting from what you found there?

Was it that you continually ventured OFF course of what you most deeply wished or desired it could be, but couldn’t yet figure out how to make it be, convincing yourself that you had to, no really, you definitely SHOULD divert over here, now there, now back here again, because what if THAT was the way – !

When in actual fact the only way you wanted it to be was the way where you just –

do the damn thing the way you’d always dreamt of
letting it bubble forth from in you the way you’d always seen it
but yeah, maybe that was just a pipe dream and it was TRUE that you had to go do all this other stuff instead.

Maybe that was where you got rich!
Made a REAL difference!
And finally felt free.

When you look back from the place where you DID the damn thing, you nailed ALL of it, like a total badass, JUST LOOK AT YOU –

WHAT IS THE STORY YOU WISH YOU COULD TELL?

What is the story it was always meant to be about?

What is the STRAIGHT SIMPLE LINE FORWARD FOR YOU which ACTUALLY –

is motherfucking obvious,
of course,
WHAT ELSE COULD IT EVER HAVE BEEN?

Because I’m telling you –

THIS. This is what it’s GOING to be, what it GETS to be, what it can’t NOT be, if only you’re willing to stay the course in HOW you just.be.you.

And the truth is that no matter how badass a person you look to for learning or growth is, they do NOT know better than YOU what is right for you.

In the end, it’s very simple – you either tell a story of going all in on YOU, what you wished it could be and just decided it WOULD,

or –

nah.

So next time you find yourself convincing yourself ‘I probably should do this or that thing’, ‘if I don’t I’m never going to make it!’, or investing huge amounts of energy or time into going down some whole ‘nother money making rabbit warren, because maybe THAT is how you magically get rich, and free –

just ask yourself:

Is this the story I’m gonna tell? Really?

And –

is it the one I WANT to tell? REALLY?

The thing is –

you will prove whatever you decide to.

And if you’re not ready to decide whether or not you dare to back yourself, all in, well guess what?

You just motherfucking decided against yourself.

It’s really that simple.

Good news though – !

SO IS THE OTHER WAY.

Katrina Ruth

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