This is Why You Binge Eat, Stuff Down Your Emotions, Run and Hide
Did you know I was bulimic, off and on, for 10 years? I was the picture of hot fit-chick on the outside … successful and on my way to ruling the world, both in business AND life! People came to me and PAID me to help them transform their bodies, their minds, their lives. And I did … when I was on I was ON. I worked my BUTT off to be an incredibly successful personal trainer and fat loss coach, and I helped thousands of people all around Australia and the world to get in shape and sort themselves out.
The only PROBLEM was that no matter how hard I pushed myself and how much money I made and how SUCCESSFUL I became I just couldn’t sort mySELF out.
What I didn’t realise … what it took me years to truly learn and also GET … what didn’t even OCCUR to me to be quite honest … was that my binge eating disorder and pretty much all my other ‘escapism’ sabotage was SO not about a lack of discipline. It was an issue of control, of alignment, and of being connected to who I actually needed to BE.
Nowadays I’m long past the battle of bulimia, but getting out of its clutches took me years of pretty fucking intense internal work, and I fell off the rail many times. To this day my DEFAULT, when I feel the stress mounting and the world closing in on me, is to want to run away and stuff my face.
And why I’m talking about this today? I know I’m not alone.
My business today has nothing to do with fitness and fat loss on the SURFACE of it … I work with driven SUPERWOMEN and SUPERMEN who want it all starting with BUSINESS! I help people make a crapload of money and a helluva’n impact, doing what they love and sharing their true message with the world!
But also I preach HAVING IT ALL … extreme business, extreme fitness, extreme life!
And something I’ve noticed? When my clients open up to me and we have the REAL ‘have it all’ conversation, food stuff and sabotage stuff and binge stuff (binging on other things as well; not just food!) and RUNNING AND HIDING STUFF is always there in some way.
Word to the wise, and a quick heads up on success REALITY this morning lovely:
And getting shit done, whether in business, in fitness, in LIFE, so you can get a result? Is SO not just about how to get shit done and waiting for the payoff.
If you want to achieve success at the highest level of what YOU aspire to, and you want to truly have it ALL, then the REALITY is that you’re going to fight battles that just aren’t spoken about in polite company and CERTAINLY not in the ‘how to build a biz / make money / succeed / be a superstar’ circles in general.
Except here, of course, because here when we talk about having it all? We also talk about what it ACTUALLY FUCKING TAKES to have it all.
And what it takes, whilst it can often be exciting, enthralling, empowering to do the work! And push past your comfort zones! And learn! And stretch! And grow! Can also be nothing short of downright ugly, scary, messy, and so deeply confronting that the normal response is to NOT confront it, not seek to understand it, and certainly not TALK about it.
Today we’re going to talk about it.
Specifically we’re going to talk about the way you binge eat, stuff down your emotions, repeatedly self-sabotage, and basically just run and hide from the true work you know you’re called to do and the day to day work you’ve promised yourself you WILL do.
Whether one of these things or ALL of these things apply to you, first know this:
You are NOT alone.
And it’s not your fault, however it is your RESPONSIBILITY; if you want to change things.
So let’s talk …
THIS IS WHY YOU BINGE, STUFF DOWN YOUR EMOTIONS, RUN AND HIDE
I had this conversation just a couple of days ago with a client who works in health. She was feeling like a fraud because she’s not in the shape she ‘should’ be … she’s been overeating … binging … can’t seem to stop … NOT doing what she wants and needs to do in her business as a result of this.
“But I’ve been getting better!“, she said …
“Lately I’ve been doing the work again; making myself do the work!” …
And the binging?
Well. The binging, throughout this period of FORCED DISCIPLINE, has been getting worse.
But surely she’ll be able to pull her head in soon, get motherfucking focused, stop being so WAYWARD with her health and body and mind?
This is not how it works.
When you BINGE, when you stuff down your emotions whether with food or alcohol or sex or Facebook or whatEVER, you are trying to control a life that feels out of control and OFF TRACK.
You’re essentially SCREAMING –
“I NEED A RELEASE! I need to ESCAPE! I need to get OUT of this!”
“I need to run and hide.”
“Leave me alone … go AWAY!”
The greatest problem here is not that you need a release or escape but that what you’re trying to get AWAY from is yourself and the way you’re living your life.
Kinda hard to run and hide from WHO YOU’RE CHOOSING TO BE.
But, you can change it.
BINGING is a control disorder. I say this not just from 10 years+ of personal experience but also:
– I’ve written an entire fucking best-selling book on the topic (The Secret Life of a Binge Eater; Amazon, 2012 – my #1 best-selling book to this day)
– I’ve worked with HUNDREDS of women (and a few men) and helped them through their emotional eating shit … including some of the top fitness people around
– I’ve run sold out workshops on how to overcome emotional eating
– Created an entire home-study course on it
– Received MIND BLOWING FEEDBACK from those who went through it and finally GOT why they were doing it and how to stop
– Worked with and learned from some of the BEST IN THE WORLD on binge eating disorder stuff
I share this with you not because I think it necessary to list my credentials as such, but because I want you to know that I’m not just speaking about binge eating and sabotage out of the side of my ass here. I KNOW this shit. I’ve LIVED this shit for my entire adult life. I STILL battle with it.
And I’ve learned to not only tame the beast, but dance with the beast and also use it as a guideline to every further STAY ON MY PATH FROM THE HEART and actually create TRUE success in my business, in my fitness, for my SANITY and joy, and for my life.
And the reason you BINGE, or run and hide in ANY form, has jack-fucking-all to do with discipline.
But it does have to do with control. It’s a disorder of wanting – NEEDING – to control a life that feels out of control.
You feel –
* Out of alignment
* Off track
* As though time and space is hurtling past you and you can’t keep up
* Overwhelmed; certain you’ll never get there, never get it all done, never do enough, never BE enough
* Fearful of who you REALLY are and what it would mean if you had to face up to that
* Broken, at times
* EXHAUSTED, because as much as you desperately want to stop you also feel like YOU NEED THIS AND IT’S THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE
And here is why we DO get trapped by the things we use to stuff down our emotions with –
It becomes our only true friend, in a way.
We know that no matter how out of control the day may be, how out of control our LIFE may be, no matter whether things work or don’t work, whether they love us or not, whether we know WHAT the fuck we’re doing or have no clue at all BINGING WILL ALWAYS BE THERE.
ESCAPING IS ALWAYS AN OPTION.
It will never let you down.
It will never tell you ‘not today’.
It will never laugh at you, mock you, or tell you you’re not good enough.
Instead what it will say, is simple, powerful, and true:
“Come closer … it’s okay … I can help. Let go … release … forget about it … I’m HERE for you.”
And so as much as you spent the entire fucking day telling yourself NOT TODAY, back you go. Supported. Protected. Hidden.
You binge – you stuff down your emotions – you run and HIDE – when you’re not happy with the path your life is on, and how you’re showing up in it.
HOW TO STOP EMOTIONAL EATING AND ESCAPISM SABOTAGE
The only way to escape this pattern, and I’m just going to hit you with it because it’s KIND of a big deal, is to start living a life you love and being a person who you want to be.
YES habit is part of it.
YES nutrition is relevant.
YES you can learn the ‘practical steps’ to overcome binge eating and other forms of sabotage. Go on a walk … try to distract yourself … pain or reward … blah fucking blah.
NO that stuff will not stick and it will not WORK if your RUNNING AND HIDING is a result of NEEDING to run and hide from the fact that you’re living the wrong fucking LIFE.
The ONLY way out of it is to get your ass into honesty and then into alignment.
Around what you’re doing …
(In business and in life)
What you’re making matter …
Whether you’re allowing yourself permission to do the work you feel called to do, whether you’re giving yourself SPACE to do it …
And how many fucking hoops you’re telling yourself you have to jump through right now in order to get the RESULTS you’re so desperately chasing.
What is the ultimate RESULT you’re after here, anyway?
This stuff that you chase … the money … the ‘success’ … the getting to a certain point so that you can then live life the way you WANT to live it … telling yourself that you can’t make money doing what you REALLY want to do … forcing yourself to show up daily and do shit you don’t want to do, in a way that doesn’t suit you, and for people you don’t even really LIKE …
What’s it all for anyway, huh?
What is it you ACTUALLY desire here?
Because I can tell you right now, if your ultimate desires are what I THINK they are (some version of freedom, choice, and living a life that matters) then JUMPING THROUGH FUCKING HOOPS ain’t gonna get you there.
Even if the person who put the hoops there is you.
SO HERE IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO:
1. Stop fucking kidding yourself.
You don’t binge, stuff down your emotions, constantly try to ESCAPE your own life because you’re tired or busy or have poor self-control. You do it because you actually NEED TO ESCAPE. This is OKAY, by the way. It’s okay to need to escape. Allow that need. But then:
2. What is it you’re running from?
Be HONEST with yourself about the way you’re living your life, the way you’re chasing the $$ or other markers of success, and whether it’s really WORKING for you on a soul level (never mind on a practical level, which I’d also bet it’s not REALLY, anyway).
What would life look like if it were a life you didn’t want to run and hide from? Write it down and TAKE OWNERSHIP of that dream, even if right now you have no clue how to bring it to life.
4. ESCAPE IS STILL NECESSARY.
Even when you’re living life COMPLETELY on your terms, we all still need to decompress. What goes up MUST come down! You can’t push and push and push, even at the AWESOME stuff you WANNA be pushing at, and expect to not at some point melt the fuck down if you don’t manage your energy along the way. This is where good nutrition, exercise, FUN and ‘actually’ enjoyable (for you) downtime activities come into play. Having ‘go-to’ things you know will help you to come down without simultaneously making yourself feel like shit. Make a list. Act on it.
5. Be kind to yourself.
You’re not alone. It’s not your fault. Pretty much EVERY SUCCESSFUL PERSON I KNOW has struggled with self-sabotage in the form of either binge eating or some other type of NOT PUBLICALLY ACCEPTABLE binge or escapism disorder. There’s nothing WRONG with you. I know you feel ashamed … frustrated … angry at yourself … and you wonder why you’re so fucking LAZY and pathetic. You’re not. It’s okay. You’re human. It’s okay. You can CHANGE it though. IT WILL BE OKAY.
6. Day by day.
All you can do is take it one day at a time. When you feel that urge … that need to RUN … that desire to DESTROY THE WHOLE WORLD (including yourself!) then STOP AND PAY ATTENTION. Journal. Be part of my #tribeofrevolutionaryfuckingleaders and ask for help in the Facebook group. Look WITHIN, and ask – ‘what do I really need right now?’ … ‘what am I running from right now?’. And day by day actively seek to take even a SMALL step towards creating the life you really want, the one you dream of and have for so long pushed away.
7. Make a choice.
Make a choice to change. You have the power of choice to change. But also, make a SMART fucking choice to support yourself to be ABLE to change. It’s not easy to create a life you love, make money doing what you love, release your true work into the world day after day after day and all the while create your ‘have it all’ reality in every other area of your life aside from business as well! But it’s a helluva lot easier than living the wrong life. So – do the work. Admit what you want. And start making it happen.
I was bulimic for 10 years not because I was undisciplined (quite the opposite in fact!) … or didn’t know better (I did!) … or didn’t know the ‘rules’ on how to eat or quit (of course I fucking knew) … but because I was living the wrong life, and trying to hide from that truth.
I’m so fucking GRATEFUL for this wake up call … a wake up call that took over all of my twenties, in a way … but honestly a powerful fucking smack you in the face reminder which eventually I had to deal with and face INTO.
So my advice to you, aside from all of the above:
Stare into the eye of the beast.
And accept why it’s really there.
And most of all?
Don’t forget –
Life is Now. Press Play.