“YOU DON’T TRUST IN ME AS MUCH AS YOU TRUSTED IN YOU”
“You don’t trust in me as much as you trusted in you”.
I was driving home from a friends when, seemingly out of nowhere, God shot me STRAIGHT through the heart with these words. I hadn’t been praying, I hadn’t been thinking, I’d just been driving; listening to worship music (usually the case) and looking forward to hitting the hay with a book.
“You don’t trust in me as much as you trusted in YOU”.
I knew instantly what He meant. And also, that huh –
this was NOT ‘outta nowhere’. Just hours earlier I’d been praying whilst in magnesium float session – a favourite place for talking to God! – and I had directly asked:
“Please give me a download or insight relevant to my business”.
You know when you say something to God, and then kinda forget you said it? And then later that day or the next one, BAM – he just hits you with something? Yeah … that!
God NEVER fails to answer us. You just gotta be alert to how or what that answer is. When I requested a download or insight I was thinking along the lines of ‘next level divine strategy for what to sell and doooooo’, not home truth which nearly shocked me into pulling off the road.
But boy oh BOY was I thankful, AM I thankful still, for this revelation.
“You don’t trust me as much as you trusted YOU”.
I was in a season at this time which perhaps you can relate to.
A season where the not knowing seemed ENDLESS, the void was INFINITE, every thing which used to work and which I would have sworn on with my very life would ALWAYS work, just flat out REFUSED to work, and where daily I veered wildly between thinking I should do EVERYTHING –
or that I should do NOTHING and just rest in God except that if I DID do that then I’d end up doing nothing and nothing would get done and things would get even stickier!
I’d been fighting furiously to keep my head above water, believing as hard as I knew how that ‘this would be the day everything turns’, alternately dropping in and trying to get the download, but then quickly scurrying back to trying to catch up, keep up, or make up, and honestly?
I was kind of exhausted.
Although weirdly NOT at the same time, because I’ve always been very skilled at setting aside my emotions or energy and just switching into that ‘flow lane’.
But there is a difference – perhaps you’ve felt it? – between forced flow and the flow which comes from God and can not be mistaken. Sometimes I think it’s more of a curse than a blessing to be so good at being ABLE to talk yourself into a particular frame or mood or way of being, because some of us get so freakin’ good at convincing ourselves that we can very easily spend our entire lives just SLIGHTLY –
off path.
Which is to say headed completely in the wrong direction.
What a blessing it is though, that we do in fact always know. And that when we stop running, turning in circles, trying to make it all HAPPEN, even just for a heartbeat, we can’t deny that underneath it all is a frazzled, wheel spinning feeling, and a still small voice saying STOP:
And know that I am God.
As I floated in the pool that day I heard God say “stop looking for the breakthrough. LISTEN. And know that I am God. Let it all just float away. What would be left? What is TODAYS work about? JUST today’s.”
The truth was I was already long past done with the old ways anyway. I’d given my ALL over to God’s rule and reign, and I meant it. I just seemed to be in an inconvenient habit of trying to resurrect that old on default near daily!
And I suppose underneath that I was thinking well, why weren’t things working for me NOW if God wanted good things for me? Didn’t He want to provide for me? Take care of me? Did He want me to continue in this endless void, never quite knowing if I’m making the right move? It was so frustrating, but worse still it was so tempting to believe the lies of the enemy that maybe I was NEVER going to ‘really’ get ahead, or get to a place I could breathe easily.
When we listen to that voice even a little,
it’s a pretty swift decline into once again doing ALL THE POSSIBLE THINGS in some kind of never-ending quest to try and get at least ONE of ’em to work.
“You don’t trust in me the way you trusted in YOU”.
Phewwwwwww God, WOW God, and –
You’re right.
As I sat with this the next day I realised –
When I depended on myself I backed myself to know that NO MATTER WHAT I would come through for me.
That NO MATTER WHAT there would be a last minute (if needed) phoenix from the ashes moment.
That NO MATTER WHAT, if I said it, it was happening.
That NO MATTER what, the money I DECIDED to would be made, the MOVES I decided would be done, the things I CHOSE, would show up.
I backed myself AGGRESSIVELY, with certainty, and unwaveringly.
I taught on this for years, even on DELIBERATELY holding yourself more to that fire in order to cause you to then step up and COME THROUGH FOR YOU. To PULL through, from the supernatural, what you had said yes to, and to not even CONSIDER that it wasn’t done.
I had FAITH,
as absolute as human faith can be,
in me.
And I proved myself faithful to what I had decided, over,
and over,
and over,
again.
It even became one of the things I was most known for, with close friends all the way to strangers online commenting regularly how impressive it was that I just always, and with immediacy, do what I said would happen or that I should do. No matter how confrontational, uncomfortable, whatever. And –
no matter how seemingly impossible or not available.
I was proud that I made supernatural my normal.
And then –
“You don’t trust in me the way you trusted in you”.
See here is the thing with trusting in you. Depending on you. Going all the way in on YOU.
Yes, it can result in you pulling rabbits out of hats left right and centre. Yes, there is a certain kind of wonderful and mystical TRUTH to being this kind of person, which few can understand. This is magnetic, to others as well as to the person. And yes – it absolutely can result in you creating impossible outcomes. On repeat.
But yes. You will and indeed by definition ARE hitting a wall. Because no matter how good you are at your follow through, or even your INSISTENCE on making what is supernaturally available your natural reality, guess what?
Your ability is finite. And your power, also your desire to utilise supernatural principles without Him at the core, is dangerous and a COUNTERFEIT. Meaning, no matter how good it supposedly is –
you will continually wonder ‘is this as good as it gets’?
Put simply:
it certainly is not. And you know it.
There is a reason we seek God, and indeed ARE seeking Him even when we do not know it. Eternity is planted IN us. We are made in His image. And deep within is a certain knowing that He who designed me is the one who HOLDS THE TRUE PLAN FOR ME.
For us driven ones … the ultimate curveball is to realise that what we are actually driven by is a desire to HAND IT ALL OVER TO GOD, give Him the reigns, and then WATCH WHAT HE DOES and what ACTUALLY now gets to come through us.
If you crave the supernatural, and a greater understanding of the abilities you SHOULD naturally be utilising, you are a fool to not go directly to the source. And then RUN ALL THE WAY IN AND NEVER COME OUT.
“You don’t trust me the way you used to trust you”.
The reality is that living fully by the Holy Spirits leading, which is the ONLY way to walk fully in the power and authority we should, and being renewed in our soul, it doesn’t happen overnight. It BEGINS instantaneously. And then it is simply an unfolding.
God was showing me something HUGE for me. And I’ll bet it was not JUST for me, hence this share.
What’s cool is … God always uses our past or even current ‘curious life choices’ for GOOD when we turn to Him. When He showed me this powerful and uncomfortable yet largely EXCITING truth about myself, all of a sudden I received a revelation on what true faith in God in my business and finances could actually mean.
I realised that the way I used to back and trust myself was a TEENY tiny example of the way faith and trust in God should be. That whilst I can obviously never compare my dependency in ME to dependency in GOD, I can absolutely apply some of the principles I understood around backing myself and then ask God to show me the version in Him.
All of a sudden I GOT it.
– When He says something it IS what’s going to happen
– What He promised He WILL perform
– He is faithful ALWAYS
The truth is my own faithfulness and follow through was always limited, it was confined to what my fleshly desires and needs felt a right choice, and it did come at the cost of many things in my life at times. Sure, it resulted in ‘killer’ results from a worldly perspective, but I was still searching. I knew God and I was Christian by name, but yeah – different ballgame.
And a terrible comparison really, for what the faithfulness of God is like.
The thing about your walk with God is … sometimes you can read, hear, and even conceptually believe something for years before it hits you. I’d been desperately trying for so long to get my conceptual belief of Gods faithfulness, and His promise to always provide and take care of me, guide and support and be there for me, into where I truly KNEW knew it.
And what it took in the end was Him holding up a mirror to show me that it was simple as “you’re just not trusting in me the way you used to trust in you”. Coupled with a KNOWING that oh, by the way, the way you will trust in me is gonna blow that out of the water.
“You don’t trust in me the way you used to trust in YOU”.
And then?
I just did.
Now remember –
Life is Now. Press Play.
Kat
PS
Gorgeous one.
I am so deeply honoured to get to do the work I do with you, and for you.
Whether or not you simply read my emails, and receive what you need from them, or are all in on all the things.
I want to tell you what the things are right now. It feels so soft and BEAUTIFUL right now, perhaps more than ever. Yet I know that this is the beginning. Almost as though a beautiful pink-tinted hazy filter is covering everything and it’s all just a dream –
which God is making real.
A few things –
1) Please watch this weeks Bible Study on my KR Ministries page if you missed it.
It was truly anointed!
The title was “tomorrow I will perform wonders amongst you”. Phew. Let me know in comments if you do!
2) This new 10-day course just FLEW out yesterday.
The branding is stunning. The copy is God. It is a must read. And dare I say a must join.
See here: www.thekatrinaruthshow.com/faithontheedge
3) Have you been considering The Secret Garden?
It’s my membership, it’s the all in place God gave me for you, where I teach weekly live, and more importantly – the place where all that God HAS for you,
will come through.
This is business practicalities. Business mindset. Money. Purpose. Identity. Walking with God. EVERY part of life and you. And all taught through and from and with the Holy Spirit, and for the woman who desires to walk deeply in FAITH in all areas.
It is … phenomenal.
The new 10-day course Faith on the Edge, plus all of my (usually one each month!) core curriculum courses are included free when you’re in The Secret Garden. Meaning you can either join me in Faith on the Edge and just start there,
or you could go directly to The Secret Garden and receive it included, along with all your immediate Secret Garden bonuses + inclusions, including access to all existing content, the live group with me, and everything we are doing together in the incredible thriving and beautiful Warrior Queen filled space which IS that place and which perhaps,
just perhaps,
is waiting for you.
www.thekatrinaruthshow.com/thesecretgarden
4) My 2024 private client mastermind is open for application now, and is 20k off for early investment.
I am deeply vibing the title. Ha! It’s The Aligned Lit Up & Fire-Spittin’ CEO Woman. SO GOOD.
I have plenty to say about this, to the right person. Message me if you are she!
5) I love you and I’m praying for you
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