10 Things I Had to Stop Lying to Myself About, if I Wanted to “Make It” Online
Don’t you ever find yourself wondering how much quicker you’d get there – or have got there – if it weren’t for all the fear and uncertainty bullshit? If only we could just be robots about the whole thing success would be an easy game, right?!
Decide goal – commit to goal – choose a first step – take action – repeat!
Ridiculously fucking simple. Success itself IS ridiculously fucking simple. Talk to anybody who has achieved anything of note, and consider even your own areas of accomplishment, and all it really comes down to is showing up. Consistent persistent action; adjusting course along the way and keeping your eye on the prize. This is exactly why most people, when they DO finally get to where they want to be in business, or fitness, or any area of life, as much as they’re proud of themselves also want to just KICK themselves for believing the nonsense inside their own head and not just doing the fucking work sooner.
Success shortcut #1? Do the fucking work.
Of course simple is all very well and good but simple doesn’t mean easy. And the primary way we like to make it hard on ourselves? We listen to the bullshit (aka fear, uncertainty, self-doubt, comparisonitis, etc) and we lie to ourselves about the work we REALLY need to do and/or about the work we’re actually doing.
Here are 10 things I had to stop lying to myself about, so I could truly create my dream business and live my dream life, completely on my terms and with fame, fortune and freedom at my fingertips! Or, you know – to actually succeed at the stuff I said I wanted 🙂
1. Sugar
I know this is a weird one to start with; you’re probably expecting something to do with sabotaging myself in my business. But how you feel about yourself and your ability to follow through on the stuff that matters to you as a person has a lot of carry-over to how you do business and your ability to BELIEVE in as well as actually create, success.
It’s important to me to see myself as fit, healthy, lean, but yet I was repeatedly lying to myself about my diet habits. Pretending I was eating really well when the truth was that while my MEALS were healthy I was practically mainlining sugar in all sorts of forms in between each meal and late into the night.
The outcome, naturally, was I started to feel and look like shit compared with how I want to look and feel. The less obvious outcome is that when you feel frustrated at yourself for not following through on something that matters to you, you stop believing in yourself when you set NEW goals. You start to see yourself as someone who doesn’t follow through, is not disciplined, makes excuses, and so on. So breaking up with sugar, for me, was about MUCH more than cleaning up my diet and losing a few extra layers, although that last was certainly a nice side effect 🙂
Is there anywhere in your life where you’re lying to yourself about your daily behaviours and the kind of person you’d really like to be? What is the obvious result going to be if you continue down this path, and are you okay with that?
2. Fame
For years I’ve said I want to be known on an international scale as one of THE most transformative motivational author and speakers of our time, but when it came to actively working towards that? I was keeping my head down and shoulders rounded and pretty much keeping my message to myself as well as (eventually) my own community.
I wasn’t actively trying to be published elsewhere.
Or featured on relevant shows or podcasts.
Or to run events or workshops in the style I really wanted.
I was “one-daying” that dream, lying to myself and telling myself I’d somehow magically just become famous. Even though, you know, I wasn’t doing the work. I was letting fear rule me, worrying perhaps I’d be rejected if I really tried or that maybe I wasn’t good enough. Neither of which are any excuse for not taking action, because ultimately to be willing to try you have to be willing to fail, and if you’re not willing to try then you don’t really want the dream. You’re just saying you do.
What are you actively NOT taking action on, despite saying for so long now you want to? Is it worth changing it, and is it worth starting today?
3. Wasting time on social media
I was spending probably well over an hour a day scrolling Facebook, looking for the meaning of life I guess! Yet at the same time telling myself I didn’t have time to build my fame. Facebook had become a stress release of sorts, a wind-down mechanism that didn’t actually wind me down and instead left me feeling annoyed at myself for getting sucked into the vortex and also for not ACTUALLY unwinding or reading anything ‘real’ like a book or something.
What are the NON uplifting time traps in your life? What is the outcome going to be a year from now if you continue to waste time on this, versus the outcome a year from now if you instead INVEST that time into something uplifting or growth-orientated?
4. Copywriting
Because I know how to write I was telling myself I can write whatever the hell I please and it should make me famous. I definitely still believe in writing whatever the hell I please! But I’ve learned that there is a MASSIVE difference in impact (i.e. how many people actually get to read what I write!) when I take the time to write a hooky title for my posts versus just calling the post what it is. Intrigue works. Offering solutions to problems works. COPYWRITING works.
Where are you sabotaging yourself by not taking the time to improve a skill? How can you easily create big change in this area? For me it was taking a simple minute or two to re-write headlines before posting.
5. Promotions and Launches
Most of my business is fly by the seat of my pants stuff. I pretty much follow the flow, follow my creative genius or inspiration, and whack stuff out there. It works exceptionally well for me because it allows me to tap into what I really believe in and care about. And I’ve even had some pretty major launch successes that have been 100% unplanned and just ‘thrown out that day’. I actively RESIST following the launch formula typically followed online, which is essentially some kind of hyper-prepared and drawn-out snooze-fest (in my opinion).
But I was lying to myself in saying I don’t need to prepare at all. The truth is my BEST launches have been 80-90% make it up as I go along but a little bit of preparation goes a long way. What I’ve found most effective is taking the time to think about my ‘angle’ for the launch. This might mean holding off going live for a few days and building anticipation, or it might mean putting in some extra brainstorming time to think of a really good reason for people to buy now, or it might mean running a live call to announce the launch rather than just sending an email. Or it may even mean just sending an email but making sure the offer is hooky enough or limited enough for people to act NOW. Basically it means just take a breath and ask myself if I’m giving this launch it’s due before I throw it out there – sometimes I already AM and I CAN just throw it out there. Other times I’m being lazy and need to get the fuck over it and go the extra 10% mile 🙂
Where are you being lazy and telling yourself it’s fine, when maybe it IS fine but you’d like it to be better than fine? What would your actions in this area look like if you were truly shooting for great?
6. Life Admin
I HATE anything to do with life admin. Paying bills, filling out forms, sorting stuff out. Hate it! Don’t believe I should have to do it, either! But yet it hangs over me and detracts from my energy and focus. I had to admit that letting all this stuff build up is not cool but also that it IS okay for me to delegate it and that having a personal assistant doesn’t make me a wanker 🙂
Where are you letting stuff hang over you when you could quite easily delegate it or just deal with it? How can you get this off your mind NOW?
7. Time with my kids
In my journaling and goal-setting I constantly make note of how important it is to me to be a fun Mum and create happy memories with my kids, as well as actively create and learn with them. Yet when I was honest with myself the truth is I was barely spending ‘true’ time with them a few days a week. What I mean by true time is – fully focused, doing an actual activity, actually ENGAGING and playing, learning etc with them, rather than just carting them around and hoping they kept entertained. I had to acknowledge that in this area I was being COMPLETELY undisciplined and ultimately creating an outcome of being a never fully present mother. Out of all of the ways in which I’ve lied to myself this is the one that would have the most devastating outcome, had I have allowed it to continue. Yet it was still so often the one I told myself ‘I don’t have time today!’.
I know this (and the next point) is not directly related to making it online, but yet it is, because FREEDOM (including being the kind of Mum I want to be) is a big part of why I AM online, and also because how you kid yourself in one area often also becomes how you kid yourself in another area.
Where are you telling yourself you don’t have time, and as a result continuing on a path of absolute destruction and regret? What needs to change TODAY?
8. My marriage
I was telling myself it would get better, it had to get better, it would be okay, but the truth is it was a mess. Full of fighting, misunderstanding, miscommunication or no communication at all. We’d become two people who live together and have kids. The fun and engagement between us as a couple LONG went away. And sex? HA!
Where in your life are you kidding yourself that things are going to improve when all evidence points absolutely to the contrary? How can you take ownership and implement a doable plan for change?
9. Productivity
I pride myself on getting shit done and being a MASSIVE ball of energy and action, but the truth is I was repeatedly ignoring key activities that grow my business. Things like active list growth, like striving for the fame I mentioned above, like creating leveraged income through my funnels, and like creating content beyond my daily writing and speaking. Every day I was telling myself today I’ll do all that stuff but then I’d push it off until evening time and then to the next day.
I had to admit that – as much as I resist it – a little organisation and habit creation goes a long way. I also had to acknowledge that if I don’t do these key business activities in the morning they just don’t get done, and so I re-planned my business day accordingly.
Where are you completely BS-ing yourself that something is getting done when it is clearly NOT, and what is the habit or discipline you need to install in order to change this?
10. Stuff I really don’t wanna do
I’m absolutely down with the whole concept of outsourcing. I have 2 pretty much full time assistants and a couple of additional freelancers and casual assistants I regularly use. I LOVE delegating stuff! But there are also certain things I seem to repeatedly tell myself I ‘should’ figure out and do myself. For example, getting really on the ball with my Facebook Advertising. I feel it’s important to really understand this area myself and also I’ve had a few bad runs when I have outsourced it. But the truth is in this (and other) area I really just do NOT want to do it, and it doesn’t really suit the way my brain works. So the outcome is I don’t outsource it AND I don’t (really) do it. I ‘kinda’ do it. Which has ‘kinda’ results. So, I need to get over myself and also choose to believe I can find the right person to help me and perhaps also help me understand a little more.
Where are you trying to be a superhero when perhaps you should just focus on what YOU are here to do, and how can you look for the right support today?!
One of the most powerful things I’ve learned, and continue to be reminded of, on success is that we’re never done. There’s always another level to go to. There’s always more room for awareness, and there is always more action to take or a more EFFECTIVE way to take action. You’ve never figured it out. You never know exactly what to do. So the ONLY way to get to where you really want to go and ‘win’ at business or life is to keep asking yourself, every day, what matters to you and what you need to ADMIT to yourself about the path you’re now on.
And if you realise you’re heading somewhere you’d really rather not go, or that you’re actively NOT heading to where you DO wanna be? Then do something about it. The biggest area I’ve lied to myself in – and yes continue to do so, until I notice again – is in telling myself it has to be hard or that I ‘can’t do or have or be that’. The truth is we can all create EXACTLY the business and life we desire, we just have to decide what we want. Commit to making it happen. Then do the freaking work 🙂 … even if we’re never going to be soulless robots about the whole thing.
So ask questions.
Be honest with yourself.
Make changes where necessary.
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