Stop Trying to Fuck on the First Date

Look, I know you want to be further down the success pathway than you are now, but enough is enough:

If you focus on trying to be where you’re NOT, trying to magically just jump to THERE where you’ve got it all sorted, you’re finally on top of things, and shit is just working, you will, by very simple and obvious (although apparently not) definition not. be. HERE.

And if you’re not here, then for the love of God and all things holy HOW are you going to do the work necessary to get you to there?

It just makes no sense …

But yet day after day, I see you:

Frantically trying to build an audience and a following
Launching something before building said audience
Asking people to buy before you listen, before you engage, before you connect with them
Asking people to listen to YOU, engage with YOU, connect and know and trust and love you when to be perfectly frank you’ve not given them any REASON to.

It would be NICE, maybe, or I guess it seems like it’d be really COOL and (let’s be honest) you’d be able to just get what you WANT if you could essentially fuck your customers on the first date, but let’s get real:

(Aside from the fact that it JUST DOESN’T WORK)

Do you honestly want to build this business – build brand YOU – on gimmicks and tricks designed purely to get people’s attention but yet with no actual substance … relationship … TRUE community beneath?

Does that sound like it would SATISFY you? Like it would allow you to really start the revolution you want to start? Like it would GET YOU TO WHERE YOU WANT TO GO? Not only as a leader (and a true leader does have to have people following them, you know, and not just for a day or two because something caught their eye) … but also to make the money and the difference you really want to make?!

Write this down:

You can’t JUMP to where you’re not without first being where you ARE.


STOP ASKING FOR SEX ON THE FIRST DATE! Unless of course your GOAL is one-off quick fix sales where you get paid and they get laid and everybody goes on their way but it didn’t MEAN anything. That can work … sell t-shirts … or well-funnelled info products … or whatever … but just don’t try and sell brand you, don’t try and BE brand you, don’t try and build a business around who you are and the message you want to change the world with while also offering blow jobs on the sidewalk.

You know?

So what do you do instead, if you want to get them in bed with you for the long haul?

Build a fucking relationship.

Pretty simple.


Pretty straightforward, actually!

Here’s how. YES you can fast-track this process in the sense that you can actually do the fucking work to have this process work, day in and day out, ALL the work, as opposed to running around the internet with your head up your ass trying to frantically grab at bright shiny ‘will make me money now’ ideas or systems.

You’ll find you’ll save a TON of time if you just do the actual work from the get go!

Here’s how:


The RIGHT people (your true tribe!) will listen when you have something to say that is from the heart, real, authentic, and of VALUE. Word to the wise … TRYING to be real / authentic is not a thing. As soon as you try to be real, it’s like saying you’re trying to be YOU. How does that even work? You don’t try to be you, you be fucking you!

If you want your true tribe to see you and pay ATTENTION to you then you’re going to have to BE you. I know it’s revolutionary (!!) … I know it IS scary … and you’re worried about whether you can / whether it would work / whether people would judge you / whether you even HAVE anything to say / whether the crazy will show.

Here are the answers:

– You can. Can is a DECISION.
– It will work if you commit to working UNTIL it works. If you can’t do that then find a fucking message you actually believe in enough to live for LIFE.
– They will. What’s that got to do with it? SOME will, some WON’T (the right ones will love you … they also won’t SEE you if you don’t show your true self), so what? You’re either going to do this, or you’re not.
– You do. Get over yourself. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being you and sharing what you’re called to share. You’ll figure out the best WAYS to share that through the action of showing up. DAILY.
– It will. Is that a problem? NO!

Your true tribe … the clients you love … a community of AWESOME will SEE you when you be you. They will listen when you share your true message and not WORRY about whether or not OTHER people outside that true tribe like it.

But you need to show up.

And it needs to be daily.

Without the intent of trying to force people to buy or even to listen but purely with the intent of putting your true work out there!


Exercise: what do you really want to say, and are you SAYING it in a way where (the right) people actually hear it?!


Here is the simple reality:

You’ll get engagement when you do everything we just spoke about. You can NOT force engagement. Your tricky questions and ‘this should work’ stuff will not work! Your pretty memes and inspiring quotes are BORING.

If you want people to engage … be someone worth listening to! FOR YOUR IDEAL AUDIENCE, not for the world. Be passionate about what you’re passionate about … and show it! Talk about the things you believe in … share your stories, and how you’ve created your own results as well as results for others who you’ve already helped. Share from the HEART.

Don’t TRY to be:



Just be you … the same awesome and INTERESTING you who people in your real life engage with!

Exercise: what are you doing / talking about / how are you acting / what emotions are you showing when you receive attention and engagement in your REAL life? How can you bring that real YOU to your business?


Let me ask you something? What makes YOU trust someone and fall in love with them? What makes you want to be around them? What makes you want to HEAR from them? What makes you excited to connect with them and hang out with them, again … and again … and again!


Exercise: Act like you’re here for the long-term, when it comes to how you communicate with your community and your clients. After all … you ARE, right? Treat people accordingly. Start today.


Imagine you wanted to do something REALLY COOL AND AWESOME for a kid on their birthday, or as a surprise for your partner or friend. Something that would BLOW THEIR FREAKING SOCKS OFF with how fun … different … EXCITING it was!

This is how to do BUSINESS. The business of building a brand around you and being a leader who people not only know, like and trust but also look FORWARD to engaging with and buying from!

Exercise: go OUT OF YOUR WAY to make a big deal of your community and clients. Do something special and ‘just for fun’ from time to time. Even when you’re doing your ‘everyday’ teaching or communicating, if it’s authentic to you and YOUR tribe, it should naturally BE interesting and exciting to them. Tell people why they should be excited for what you’ve got for them, and then bring the goods to back it up!



DO NOT READY OR BOTHER TO ACT ON THIS STEP if you’re not doing the other steps. Cool?

Secondly: if you ARE doing the other steps then getting people to buy is a natural and simple evolution. It’s a SIMPLE matter of creating offers that can HELP the people in your ‪#‎tribe‬, then telling them about those offers in a way that gets their attention (i.e.: tell them specifically how it can help them with the things they WANT help with), and also giving them a good reason to buy NOW.

How often should you do this? DAILY. Give value daily, show up daily, offer to HELP people daily!

Exercise: Ask yourself firstly if you’re being someone who others would WANT to buy from. If not, get down to business with our earlier steps. Next, create offers you KNOW rock that you KNOW can help people, tell them exactly HOW it can help them and give them a good reason to buy now. But also: apply ALL of the above to your sales processes. When you sell, be real, be authentic, get excited about what you’re selling, and go out of your way to make it extra cool and awesome for your tribe.

Here’s a great example:


Be cool.


Be yourSELF.


Say what you think and believe and STAND for.


Show UP.



Every. freaking. day.

Exercise: ALL of the above, but mostly this: BE the kind of person who others WANT to follow, enjoy following, want to learn from and want to buy from! Then: tell ’em to buy, tell ’em to invite their friends, tell ’em to keep coming back to your party! They’ll do it anyway if you really show up and deliver the goods!

You wanna get laid on the first date, there are plenty of ways you can have a crack at that. But you just might fall flat on your face trying to make it happen or it just MIGHT not be quite as hot as you thought it was going to be if it does. Or, who knows – maybe you love it 🙂

Either way, if you want to build a brand around being you and have a community who loves you, who’d walk over hot coals for you, who BUYS from you, who you get to have a damn good time hanging out with, and who refers all their FRIENDS, then stop trying to fuck them when you just met them, and build a relationship – of awesome – being you.